(Prior posting from my old webspace)

It’s an amazing world I live in. I wake every morning, stretch, wipe the sleep from my eyes, all pumped about taking on a new, wonderful, shiny and exciting day.

I turn on my internet, read my email, feed my fish, say good morning to my roomie’s mutt, and then proceed with my day.

At some point, I might get bored. TV does nothing for me, so back onto this thing I go.

I admit I am a total whore to celeb gossip. If it looks juicy and scandalous, I’m right up front, reading.

I guess I am more my mother’s child than I care to admit. For many many years, my sister and I have laughed at Ma’s obsession with checkout counter “news”.

Good trees gave thier lives for this shit. Toilet paper, at least cleans up and makes useful the death of our leaf laden friends. “The Star” makes me want to cry. Some pine tree gave up it’s life for “The Secret to Britney’s Many Many Voices”, page two.

At the cost of almost four Canadian dollars, no less!

My sister and I think it’s wholly appropriate that this “must have information source” is relegated to a magazine rack next to the toilet. That is where shit belongs, last time I checked.. in the loo. It certainly can generate a smelly environment, just from the read alone!

So.. snickering at Ma.. well, it’s a holiday passtime. She doesn’t much appreciate it, but hey, she has a sense of humor. If you read this crap, you’d have to.

Today, I saw this headline stating in the British Sun that Amy Crack, I mean Winehouse was filmed smoking crack.

Guess who BEELINED for the link.  Uh huh!

And.. I call myself a spiritual man. All the while looking at her, snickering at her goulish makeup, orange juice blond hair and Whitney Houston like body, I watched this nervous, obviously too trusting soul dampen her pain with a glass pipe, for all the world to see.

I am totally ashamed of myself. This woman, apparently, has a major gift. She worked very hard to get where she is, paid her dues, and now, is disintegrating before everyones eyes.

Shades of Whitney?

So.. why did I read this? Who am I to criticize and laugh at my own mother for doing this, when I am no better.

Sure, it’s hard to NOT laugh at Amy. She looks like Dracula’s Hooker. But this is very obviously a hurt and addicted person. It’s painful to watch her throw her life away like this, yet it’s ok to laugh at it?

Maybe I should look further. HMMM.

Britney. I can’t turn on a channel or open a paper anyplace without seeing Bald Britney, Missing Undies Britney, Slut Britney, Mommie Dearest Britney, “Mariah Carey” Britney.

And we wonder why she’s insane? It’s really difficult to not laugh at her parading in the water in her panties. Very unbecoming and hardly covering panties.

I saw pubes….I saw cameltoe…OMG.. MY EYES! IT BURNS THE PRECIOUS!

If I woke up.. and had the press corp at the ready, every single move I made scrutinized and photographed, just because I was famous or rich, I wonder how I would handle it. I’d likely mow them down with a fucking UZI. Britney used an umbrella and a hair razor.

Stupid bitch!

Of course, there are exceptions. Those that want vs those that want not.

They say the press is a double edged sword. If you want the publicity, you have to pay the price.

Smart celebs know how to play the press. Madonna, for all my ill feelings towards this hipocryte, knew exactly how to get the press to work for her. She was tough enough to know how to shut them off when they got too far carried away. You rarely saw her at a loss for control. I admit I respected her more before she became a Mommy. At least she stuck to her guns. Now, she criticizes the pop tarts she inspired for being whores. Doesn’t want her kids watching that.

EXUSE ME MISS HAS -BEEN??? Perhaps you could donate all the money from the generation of girls you corrupted into dressing like sluts and sleeping around indiscriminatly due to your whorish example to a few deserving charities to reclaim your soul.

You and Anne Rice should be burned as media witches for your very public hipocracy. If you want to renounce being a slimy media whore that did it for dollars, then give all the dollars back. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

Jesus, she pisses me off.

People like Paris Hilton know the game. Or to an extent, anyway.

The one thing I am thankful for is that the world is so over this overexposed princess. I have to also admit I felt a lot of jubilation the day she got her skinny rich bitch ass hauled into jail, and then re-hauled into it.

She couldn’t buy her way out of that.

Remember this famous quote? “MOM, DO SOMETHING” as she was being repacked into the paddy wagon.  “Whah, Whah”… LOL.

It seems to have taught her some sense. But.. the by product of this crying fit she was photographed having was that people lost what little respect they had for her.

Sure, she’s still seen, with her panties up around her neck, boobs small one day, ginormous the next, then small again (Madame “stuffs”) hair all different lengths of polyester, her ingesting her daily glass of fiber (is Vodka a vitamin?) or clearing her sinuses with assorted makeshift straws and powdered Sinutab (what else could it be..HMMM). But no one cares anymore.

Nicole has a bastard baby, and it weighs more than she does. WHO CARES!

So there is some justice in this world after all. I personally want to thank the judge that FORCED Plastered Paris back into that fucking jailcell.

He’s my new hero. I think he musta been reincarnated from someone great, like St. Paul or something. Doing God’s work, one ho’ at a time.

But.. I digress.

So, why do I read? There are stories of building falling on people. Stories of babies starving in the dust of Africa. Stories of land mines blowing the legs off of donkeys.

But I am reading what… oh yes,

“Cher Has Face Transplant”. “Whitney Cleans Bathroom Grout With Hotknives” or “Jessica Alba Puts On Clothes”.

Why?

I guess I am a mindless twit, with the working IQ of a box thimbles, and an attention span to match.

Like Mother, Like Son.

This is what you get when you grow up reading Archie comics, and watching Entertainment Tonight. A generation of dullards that don’t know any better.

Well, I do. I just choose to continue to be a dullard.

So.. I can get up on my soapbox, preach eloquently of my sins, and the sins of others, and then get back down, and tune in once again to “The Superficial”  “Awful Plastic Surgery” or “A Socialite’s Life”, or even MSN and read all the latest crap on who fucked what.

I feel so elevated.

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