(Prior posting from my old webspace)

I’ve noticed lately that I’m growing more clueless by the day. I reach inside myself, and try to pull up some form of intelligence, but sometimes, what I manage to retrieve is a form of human with the intellect of driftwood.

I speak of course, of my inner dummy. He’s a blonde (how I spent many years before my hair got darker, naturally so), and he has no trouble tripping over his one and only brain cell at critical moments.

In times of great intellectual need, he’s sure to leave me covered in egg, eating crow, and dragging my brain through a marathon of burning buildings..to arrive at a dead end to so that I may rightfully be incinerated by the aghast looks I now see on thier faces.

He’s a crowd pleaser. His definition of life is usually labelled $4.99 and tastes great with milk. He has theories about Americans landing on the moon, and wondered if they landed on the man that lives there. He thinks eating Smarties is replacing fish as brain food!

Move over Jessica. Here comes D”uh”ave.

I know the meaning of Pie. I know enough to NOT hurt my brain that way. But DizzyDave hasn’t sense enough to refrain. No, he does know the meaning of Pie. He knows it means Strawberry, and Apple, and Chocolate….HOPELESS!

He loves the taste of feet as well. He must, cos he can usually be found with one, sometimes two, inserted into his mouth, and one shoved up his ass from the person he’s just offended with his brand of intelligence.

He’s often on hand when doing simple things like groceries, too. He’ll suddenly take over as I’m shopping for produce, wheel me around the store in a dizzying array of manuevers, only stopping at the point when I arrive at the cash, with a cart filled with three times more shit than I came in for, and is nowhere to be found when I am, in a LONG lineup, suddenly pulling things off the conveyer and asking them to be put back, because he can’t add 2 plus 2 without a calculator.

He’s ever present, ever ignorant, and ever loathed. Yet, without him, I wouldn’t be me.

So.. to those that share my pain, one lesson I am learning… LOVE your inner blonde.

This blonde is where your endearing and sweet nature comes from. Without the blonde, your vapid self would be pointless.

So, embrace the locks, and the air between your ears. It makes your heart that much bigger.