(Prior posting from my old webspace)

I went surfing the web, looking for blog inspiration today, and as usual, ended up on one of my favourite sites. “A Socialite’s Life” always guarantees me a chuckle at some celebrity foiable, and since it’s been a while, I sat down to scan through the mix of assorted “news” they post. I have to admit I have a little writer envy when it comes to this sites main writer, J. Harvey.

This guy really has a lot of talent for clever words. It takes a lot to make me laugh, but here and there, he comes up with some damned fine zingers.

I was disappointed to find out that my reason for screaming, Madonna, had caved into that fucking beauty myth, and finally had her face “freshened”.  The photographs said it all. She’s not got one line, anwhere. But, at least she had GOOD sense, and didn’t take it into the “FrankenFace” zone. Let’s hope she keeps her head on straight here, and leaves the “Hilarious House Of Wildenstein” to it’s original owner, and stops while she’s ahead.

I just cannot understand it, though. In my sifting through this site, I see woman after beautiful woman cutting thier faces up. I have previously bitch slapped the “Old Boys Club” for thier role in this. It’s a HUGE role, too. If a woman wants to work in the entertainment industry in the US, she is subject to the rules, if she wants to work.

The UK are so much more intelligent. Women are valued for thier gifts. If you have talent, you can be ready for an old age home in looks, and still be a marketable asset.

The US, well, no. I want to demonstrate what I mean by this. Annie Lennox, a daughter of the UK music industry, is 54, and BEAUTIFUL without one knife or botox injection anywhere in site.

Her talent is all she needs. If the world doesn’t like her evolving face, the hell with them! She’s an artist, not an sculpture. Kudo to Annie.

There are some in the US that haven’t caved into the myth, and HOPEFULLY never do.

Holly Hunter, one of my all time favourite actresses, has a hit show on TNT called Saving Grace. She plays a trashy, in your face detective, a real bad girl role.

And guess what, they film her face and body, and at 49, she is SMOKIN’. And it’s the wrinkles and lines on her face that make her look that good. Woman is as natural as you could want, as bad as you can get, and is AMAZING in this role.

I hope to God she keeps on being herself, and never surrenders to this “slice and dice” mentality in the entertainment industry. Good going, Holly.

But, there are the victims, make no mistake. I thought I would throw up the positives before exploring this end of the scale.

J. Harvey. He reviewed a Nip and Tuck episode, guesting Joan Van Ark. You may remember Joan from the hit nighttime soap “Knots Landing” (kind of the original version of “Desparate Housewives”, but less strange). Joan is 64, and looks like she’s been embalmed. NO JOKE.

J. Harvey commented she looked like she “moisturized with Chernobyl”. Now, my curiosity was peaked. He described her skin as “Grey”.  I knew Joan was prone to play with knives and collagen, so I Googled for her under images.

Sweet wine, what the fuck is that?  Man, she is SCARY. Like Wildenstein SCARY. WAAAAY scarier than Joany Rivers. Woman looks like she drinks Varsol for cocktails.

She, in some of the shots, has a spagetti strapped dress on, low cut. BIG BIG GIGANTIC mistake. Cos, underneath this horror film mask that was once a human face, you  find a 64 year old body, from the neck down, literally. There is NOTHING sexy about this woman.

It’s sad, very very sad.

Another shot I found had her with her old “Knots” alumni. Michelle and Donna. Michelle looks like she has injected her entire face with collagen and botox, as well as pulled it so tight, it no longer has the ability to move. Donna, well, she had once been called the most beautiful eyes on television. That quote was a good one. She really did look beautiful.

Now, she’s Dolly Parton scary. The eyes are still there, but the stuff surrounding it is very “Wax Werx” in nature. And, below the neck, old biddy body.

Joan Van Ark, I can understand wanting to work. I really, truly can. In Hollywood, a society steeped in the next big thing, a place where nothing stays natural for too long, it must be horrible knowing you are obsolete. Competing with the other new and shiny young actresses has to be hard.

But, has anyone ever told this woman that destroying herself wasn’t going to make things better? And make no mistake, she did, indeed, destroy herself. As clearly as Mickey J. did himself. She looks inhuman. It’s horrible looking at her face.

J. Harvey was right on the money here. She is a monstrosity. Her skin is so far gone that it no longer has any natural pallor. In fact, it’s the colour of a corpse. No joke. Her lips no longer exists, rather, there are lumps that used to resemble lips, deformed from all the collagen. The eyes are Tammy Faye made up. Clumpy and horrible looking. Cheeks are implanted, her very obvious nose job is now deformed, and face is shiny and unnatural looking from all the stretching and chemical peels.

I’m not even sure makeup could adhere to it, as it looks like it could slide right off this mask. It’s that bad.

I’m not laughing at this. I cannot even make a joke. It’s the saddest thing I think I’ve ever seen.

I’ve seen Joan act here and there, and she actually has talent. But Hollywood would not allow for her to work if she aged, due to thier typecasting methods, and youth obsession, so she, in her own minds eye, was forced to endure procedure after procedure in order to get the meager jobs she has worked over the years.

This is as sad as Dana Plato robbing a video store. It’s as sad as the model Gia dying the way she did.

It’s sad sad sad.

When will women stop looking at thier faces as Tupperware, and STOP trying to seal in youth.

Joan, you would have looked better if you’d have let God’s work alone, and aged gracefully. I bet you would have been a little more employed as well. Now, you’re a freak, a creation of Hollywood’s myths and shallow standards.

Beauty is skin deep. But your skin, well, it’s not so beautiful anymore.

R.I. P. the career, the beauty and any trace of visible living female,  Joan. Perhaps there’s work as a cadaver awaiting you in some schlock schocker.