Through the last little while, I’ve experienced a metamorphosis unlike anything I’ve had happen within my 46 years on this earth. I have to say that the change has been dramatic to put it mildly.
From battling physical demons in a hospital room right through to having my universe forever altered by stark realizations from my educators, everything in my field of view has been completely transformed. To say I’m blessed would be an understatement! I’ve gotten to know God on a whole new level, and what I’m seeing is light years beyond wondrous. But through all this, there have been painful realizations as well. I’ve had friends fall by the wayside, and supplanted with new and much deeper realms of love and understanding from within.
I’ve arrived at a conclusion that nothing is forever, and to glean what goodness you can from each moment. For those moments are truly all that matter in the grand scheme of things. Friends will always be there, even when the conditions of these relationships change. In saying that, one truth that came to me quite suddenly. If I wanted my spirit to soar and evolve, things in my life were most decidedly going to change to allow for my continued growth. I need to perceive the world around myself differently, so I too could start to think about myself in new and distinctive terms. In stating that, I would also need to learn to start approaching my relationships from an altered perspective as well. What was can never be again.
What I’m getting at is the law of attraction. From this theory, I am learning that I will attract what I send. In simple terms, if I think and act in negatives, I will attract negatives. Quite a concept. But honestly, whilst I lay in that hospital room, I knew inexplicably, that I’d be OK. I never for a moment doubted that. It was that positive train of thought that helped me not only recover, but also allowed me to miraculously salvage my educational goals, ones that were almost lost to me due to my illness. Remarkably, there was a switch in my perceptions during this turmoil. Something deep inside me started to emerge. I started having a great deal of trouble dealing with negative attitudes. It’s as if I had a mirror thrown up at me, and I saw how counter-productive a negative thought could be. But more importantly, I realized that one small negative thought could snowball into a larger set of negatives. If I was to succeed, I needed to cut through all that, and start examining myself through a new set of eyes.
Enter into my world, the word “gratitude”.
I am now writing to my readers, not to preach, nor to really even educate, but rather, to prove that change is absolutely possible. It has to start from within. Without becoming aware your own shortcomings, one resigns themselves to a life that lacks forward momentum and growth.
A friend once wrote “Rebirth f***ing hurts.” I disagree.
To me, rebirth is an amazing experience. It’s as if a set of blinders lifted, and once you see your path, you start to discover greatness finding its way to you. Now, that’s not to say that hard work and diligence aren’t required here. You absolutely need to put in the effort, otherwise, you’re doomed to failure.
The stage I’m at in my new journey is the “gratitude” stage, as I mentioned earlier. I’m grateful for the strangest things. For instance, I’m grateful I almost died in April. Why? Well, it has to do with the fact that it took this experience to wake me up to the fact that I’m surrounded by love and support. I don’t honestly think it ever really sunk in until I found myself struggling to get well. It also made me a much wiser person. As a result, I’m now taking nothing for granted, and learning to start appreciating the gifts I’m endowed with.
God is good.
I’m truly a blessed human being. And I know I have a purpose. But I have a lot of character flaws, which I need to change my attitude about. But, by the same token, I also have a lot of good inside me. Sometimes it isn’t clear, but beneath a cold exterior lays the heart of a loving spirit, one which tries every day to allow itself permission that it be more “present”. I may stumble here and there, but one day, I know I’ll get it right.
Another part of me that is taking a major shift is my perceptions of the world. Up until now, I’ve had the mindset that I want to keep negativity away from me. But I’m learning that what I, in fact, have done is attracted it with that mindset. So, a polar shift has occurred. In place of said thought, I now wake up each day asking that I be surrounded by positive people. And, to my surprise, it’s working out beautifully. I’m seeing so much goodness come my way with this new attitude that I’m having trouble processing it.
So…with all this laid to script, I would like to present a list of things I’m grateful for:
I’m grateful for the air in my lungs
I’m grateful for the rain
I’m grateful for my friends
I’m grateful for the love I have known in this life
I’m grateful for my family
I’m grateful for new ideas
I’m grateful I’m not too old to learn new things
I’m grateful I see the flaws within
I’m even more grateful that I am able to change them
I’m grateful for every negative experience I’ve ever gone through in my life…for without them, I’d never have made it to this place I’m at now
I’m grateful for the things I thought were liabilities, that with closer observation, are actually gifts
I’m grateful I had parents that were strict and butted into my life as often as they did
I’m grateful the people who sometimes say hurtful things. Despite the pain, you get to see things with clarity when the smoke clears.
And…lastly, but MOST importantly,
I’m grateful to God for being here to learn about gratitude.
I may stumble and skin my knees a few more times on this journey, but I can promise the world one thing. I won’t ever give up, nor will I ever let anyone ever tell me I can’t. I know now that I absolutely can. That, perhaps, is what I’m most grateful for out of all of this.
Stay positive, stay focused, stay true to your vision.